Navigate / search

Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird.

His Diary/Her Diary
Her Diary:

Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn’t flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed but he didn’t say much. I asked him what was wrong. He said “Nothing”. I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn’t upset, that it had nothing to do with me and not to worry about it. One the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly and kept driving. I can’t explain his behavior. I don’t know why he didn’t say “I love you too”. When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep. I cried. I don’t know what to do. I’m almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

His Diary:

Motorcycle won’t start…can’t figure out why.

Chicken Surprise

Chicken Surprise
A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the ‘Chicken Surprise’
The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot.
Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down.
‘Good grief, did you see that?’ she asks her husband. He hasn’t, so she asks him to look in the pot. He reaches for it and again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes looking around before it slams down.
Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening, and demands an explanation.
‘Please sir,’ says the waiter, ‘what you order?’
The husband replies, ‘Chicken Surprise.’
(You’re going to love this. You’re going to hate yourself for loving this!)

‘Ah! So sorry,’ says the waiter, ‘I bring you “Peeking Duck”.

A Woman Named Stephanie Was Sitting At A Local Bar.

A woman named Stephanie was sitting at a local Chili’s bar enjoying a nice after work cocktail with her friends when Kevin, a tall, exceptionally handsome, extremely sexy, middle-aged man entered and sat down across the bar. He was so good looking that Stephanie could not take her eyes off him.

This seasoned yet playful dreamboat noticed her overly attentive stare and walked directly toward Stephanie. (As any man would.) Before she could offer her apologies for staring, he leaned over and whispered to her, “I’ll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $20.00… On one condition…”

Astonished but intrigued, Stephanie asked what the condition was. The man replied, “You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words.”

Stephanie considered his proposition for a moment, and then slowly removed a $20 bill from her purse, which she pressed into the man’s hand along with her address. She looked very deeply and passionately into his eyes, barely concealing her anticipation and excitement, and slowly said….

“Clean my house.” [via]

Embarrassed Fathers Reaction to 4 Year Old.

Ever notice how a 4-year-olds voice is louder than 200 adult voices? Even in a very crowded Atlanta airport?

A few years ago, I came home from a trip just when a storm hit, with crashing thunder and severe lightning. As I came into my bedroom about 2 AM, I found my three children in bed with my wife Jill, apparently scared by the loud storm. I resigned myself to sleeping in the guest bedroom that night.

The next day, I talked to the children, and explained that it was OK to sleep with Mom when the storm was bad, but when I was expected home, please don’t sleep with Mom that night.

They said “OK.”

After my next trip several weeks later, Jill and the children picked me up in the terminal at the appointed time. Since the plane was late, everyone had come into the terminal to wait for my plane’s arrival, along with hundreds of other folks waiting for their arriving passengers.

As I approached the waiting area, my 4 year old son saw me, and came running shouting “Hi, Daddy! I’ve got some good news!” As I waved back, I shouted loudly, “What is the good news?”

“The good news is that nobody slept with Mommy while you were away this time!” Kyle shouted.

The airport became very quiet, as everyone in the waiting area looked at Alex, then turned to me, and then searched the rest of the area to see if they could figure out exactly who his Mom was.

Well That’s Embarrassing.

A lady goes into Wal-Mart to buy a rod and reel. She is not sure which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the register. There is a Wal-Mart clerk standing there with dark shades on.

She says, “Excuse me sir…can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?”

He says, “Ma’am I’m blind but if you will drop it on the counter I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound that it makes.”

She definitely didn’t believe him, but dropped it on the counter anyway.

He said, “That’s a 6′ graphite rod with a Zebco 202 reel and 10 lb. test line… It’s a good all around rod and reel and it’s $20.00″.

She says, “That’s amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter.. I think it’s what I’m looking for so I’ll take it.”

He walks behind the counter to the register, and in the meantime the woman breaks wind big time.

At first, she is very embarrassed but then realizes that there is no way he could tell it was her.. being blind he wouldn’t know that she was the only person around. He rings up the sale and says, “That will be $25.50.”

She says, “But didn’t you say it was $20.00?”

He says, “Yes ma’am, the rod and reel is $20.00, the duck call is $3.00, and the stink bait is $2.50.”

Well That’s Embarrassing. [via]